Secrets
by Sahara Rose 101
Summary: Becker's late for work. Lester's in a bad mood. Jess is making cryptic hints about it being a bad day. Set in Series 4. Deals with the death of Sarah and has a bit of Sarah/Becker but mainly Jess/Becker friendship/pre-ship.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Secrets

Pairing: Becker/Jess, slight Becker/Sarah

Setting: Series 4, between 4.2 and 4.3

Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did, Cutter would still be running around calling Jenny Claudia.

Matt Anderson looked up at the clock for the tenth time that hour. "He's late."

"Who's late?" Connor Temple looked up from his laptop. They were in the Ops room of the ARC with nothing urgent to do until an anomaly occurred.

"Becker." Matt answered shortly.

"You sure mate?" Connor asked, slightly confused. Captain Becker was a born and bred military man; punctuality was akin to breathing to him. "That's not like him. Maybe the traffic's bad."

"Maybe." Matt still wasn't convinced. Something was wrong.

"It takes ages to get across town at this time of the morning." Connor continued. "It's shocking."

"What's truly shocking Connor is how you haven't managed to blow up the building yet." James Lester ambled into the room in his customary suit. "You may want to focus on the job at hand instead of gossiping like a schoolgirl."

Connor dug his hands into his pockets. "Well, there ain't much to do at the moment, Lester. It's kind of boring."

"Pray it doesn't get exciting. You've already used up your overtime pay." Lester drawled. "Now who am I going to be yelling at for being late? No, let me guess – Daphne."

"Abby's in the menagerie." Connor supplied helpfully at Matt's blank look. "She came in with me and Jess."

"Ah. The flat share." Lester said, "Remind me to send commiseration flowers to Jess."

"Am I getting flowers?" Jess cheerfully asked as she walked into the room, one hand still typing on her I-phone.

"It was a turn of phrase." Lester told her. "Now who is late?"

"Becker." Matt spoke up. "Becker's the one who's late."

"That's my fault." Jess said then blushed crimson as three pairs of inquiring eyes turned on her. "I mean, It's not my fault that he's late, obviously." She spoke quickly, clearly flustered. He called in sick earlier. I just forgot to log it in. My bad sorry."

Lester glared at her. "Jess."

"I'm sorry. I've just been so busy that I forgot. It's just been one of those days."

"Just go make sure that it doesn't happen again." Lester told her in an exasperated tone. He ran a hand through his brown hair. "I'll be in my office is anyone else wants to announce their mistakes." No one spoke as he turned and walked to his office.

"Wow," Connor said as soon as their boss was out of earshot. "Wonder what's got his knickers in a twist."

"Connor." Jess chastised. "Be nice. It's just one of those days."

Matt's eyes narrowed. That was the second time she'd said that. "Care to share, Jess?"

Jess busied herself with straightening up her station. "Care to share what?"

Matt walked up to her, stopping just short of invading her space. "Why Lester's in a bad mood and why Becker's not here."

She didn't meet his eyes. "Becker's sick. I told you."

"Jess, you're a horrible liar."

"I'm not lying!" She said indignantly. "I've got to go." Jess tried to brush past him but Matt grabbed her arm.

"You'd tell me if there was something going on, wouldn't you Jess?" Matt asked softly.

Jess looked up at him, surprised by the gentler tone. She's been expecting him to be more aggressive. "I would tell you Matt but there's nothing going on. Honest." She pulled her arm out of his grasp. "I've got to go. Acquisition order's don't deliver themselves." She gave a cheerful smile that didn't reach her eyes. "You guys want me to pick anything up while I'm out?"

"Nope," Connor answered, popping the p. "All good here."

"I'm fine." Matt told her, watching her carefully. She was acting strange.

"Okay then. Laters." Jess walked out, her bright red high heels clacking on the floor.

"See ya." Connor looked up briefly from his laptop. "That was weird." He commented.

"I know, Jess never lies to me."

"Actually, I was talking about how she left her earpiece behind." Connor nodded to the silver earpiece that lay atop Jess' station. "You'd think with all the reminders she gives us about wearing whenever we leave the ARC, she would too." He paused. "Why do you say she was lying?"

"Aquistion orders are e-mailed through. Have been for years. They've never been hand delivered." Matt explained.

"Huh. Maybe it's a special order or something." Connor offered.

"Maybe." Matt agreed, unconvinced, gazing down the corridor Jess had disappeared down. "But I doubt it."

A/N: Becker/Jess interaction will be up in the next chapter. What did you think? This is my first Primeval fic ever. I would love any constructive criticism. I'm doing senior English at the moment and need all the feedback I can get. So pretty please review. Please.


	2. Chapter 2

So thanks to everyone who reviewed/ favourited and added me to alerts. I really wasn't expecting it so it was an awesome surprise. Thanks :D

Disclaimer: I do not own Primeval; If I did than Cutter would still be telling everyone he was right in that gorgeous accent of his.

Chapter 2

Captain Becker hadn't moved for hours. Hadn't moved a single muscle. He could feel the cold seep into his bones but it didn't bother him. He'd been trained to overcome pain. He was a soldier. A soldier who failed.

Becker stared at the small clearing where it had happened. The blood had disappeared but he could still see it in his mind.

"_Becker!" She screamed, reaching for him._

"_Hold on Sarah," He went for her hand but missed. Their fingers brushed briefly, and then she was gone._

A flash of yellow and the snap of a twig brought him back to reality. Moving with military precision, Becker turned and grabbed the person behind him. He had them up against a tree with his hand at their throat before he realised who it was. "Jess?"

Jess nodded frantically, her doe eyes wide. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you."

He let her go slowly, "What are you doing here?"

"Paying my respects," She held up a bouquet of sunflowers.

"How did you know they were her favourites?" Becker asked, giving her a curious look.

"Clara in Botany told me," Jess shrugged and moved past him. "How long have you been here?" She didn't look at him as she knelt and placed the sunflowers in the centre of the clearing where the anomaly occurred.

"Not long," Becker answered.

She turned and raised an eyebrow, "Really? Because you're earpiece went offline last night."

"You followed me here then?" Becker asked incredulous.

"No. I made an educated guess," Jess stood up and faced him. I figured you were going to do one of three things today. I: come to work in a really bad mood and be overprotective of everyone. 2: Get seriously wasted. 3: come here. And 3 seemed most likely."

"And why did you come then?" Becker asked, slightly impressed by her reasoning. They were all things he'd been thinking of doing.

"To stop you from doing anything stupid."

"Like what?"

"I don't know… punch a tree?" She gave a pointed look at his bruised knuckles. "And you shouldn't be alone today."

"What are you, my guardian angel or something?" He scoffed rather harshly.

Hurt flashed in her eyes for a second before she blinked it back. "No, I'm your friend. And friends don't let other friends hurt alone."

Becker sighed, "Sorry. That was cruel."

"It's ok," She shrugged. "You're hurting."

"It doesn't mean I should take it out on you, Jess."

"Well considering that the trees here a heritage listed…" She trailed off with a shrug. "You need to talk to someone."

"With all due respect I am fine, Jessica," He enunciated her name as if to emphasise her lack of rank or qualification.

"Says the man who spent the night sitting in a forest!" She said, exasperated. She winced, closing her eyes tightly. "Sorry. I didn't mean that."

"You did," Becker sighed. "And you're right. I just…" He slammed his hand against a tree. "Damnmit!" He kicked the tree good measure.

Jess jumped at the outburst then smoothed out her skirt and sat on a fallen log. "Tell me about her."

"What?" Becker turned to face her.

"Tell me about Sarah," Jess repeated as though it were obvious.

"Like what?" Becker asked, calming down slightly.

"Anything. What was she like? What did she do? Her favourite colour. Anything." Jess answered.

Becker closed his eyes; a half smile graced his lips. "Gold. Her favourite colour was gold."

"Good," Jess smiled at him but he didn't see. "Why?"

"It was the colour of the sands of Egypt." His smile grew. "I learnt more about Egyptian history and mythology in a week with Sarah than I ever did that school."

"I bet it helped that you ran into Ammut," Jess commented lightly.

"It did," Becker opened his eyes. "How do you know about that?"

"I read the reports," Jess explained softly. "Sarah's was mostly a rant on how she met a god. It was… endearing really. She was amazing. I would be on the floor if I saw something like that coming at me."

"No, you wouldn't," Becker walked towards her. "You kept your head when the Dragonex escaped."

"Yeah, cos I had you and Matt there."

He sat down next to her. "You didn't freak out Jess. You were fine."

She rolled her eyes, "Enough about me. Tell me more about Sarah."

"Like what?" Becker didn't understand what she wanted to know. "You've read the reports haven't you?"

"Yes, but there's only so much you can learn from them. So… what was she like?"

"She understood Connor. Which is saying something." Becker's lips quirked as he remembered listening to the pairs discussions and having no clue as to what they were actually saying. "She was smart. Smarter than anyone I've ever met. Except Connor and Cutter."

"Even Phillip?" Jess raised her eyebrows, speaking of their boss.

Becker nodded. "Especially him. Sarah was smart without being arrogant."

"She sounds amazing," Jess said, with a touch of envy in her voice. "You must really miss her."

"Of course I do!" Becker snapped at her though there was no real anger in his voice. "We spent three months basically living together in the same tent trying to find Connor, Abby and Danny and then she was gone."

"It's ok to miss her, you know," Jess gently laid a hand on his shoulder. "You were close and you've lost her."

"I've lost people before Jess. But not like this," He put his head in his hands. "It was my fault. I was responsible for her."

"She knew the risks, Becker. It's not your fault."

"I shouldn't have let her go," He mumbled more to himself than to Jess.

"Somehow I think you trying to stop her wouldn't work," Jess said softly. She didn't want to aggravate him but he had to listen to reason. "She was too stubborn for that."

Becker stopped, thinking it through. "You're right." He said after a minute of silence.

"Of course I am," She said cheerfully.

"But I should have been more careful with her. She wasn't trained for this."

Jess' shoulders slumped. She'd thought she'd been getting through to the guilt-ridden man. "None of us are. I mean, did you go through dinosaur training at the academy?"

"No. But I can defend myself. Sarah can't. You can't. You shouldn't be out here." He turned at looked at her, his face serious.

Jess blinked. "So I shouldn't go outside at all because I can't defend myself?"

"You shouldn't be here. This is a known anomaly site. It could reopen at any second," Becker stood up and walked over to the tree he kept on hitting. "You should go."

Jess stood too but didn't move any closer to him. "Technically you shouldn't be here either. Lester forbade you from being here."

"Well then I'm pulling a Danny Quinn," Becker looked at her. "You should go Jessica."

She stood her ground. "I'm not going anywhere. You need to realise that Sarah's death wasn't your fault."

"I let her wander off into a creatures nest! Of course it's my fault!" He yelled at her. "You standing here isn't going to change my mind."

"So I suppose Nick Cutter's death was your fault too. You just let him waltz into the burning ARC. You should have stopped him. He had no military training. Like me. Like Sarah." She took an accusing step towards him.

"That was different. I couldn't stop him," Becker replied, almost yelling again.

Jess took another step towards him. "And Jenny Lewis leaving, that was your fault too. You should have stopped her walking back into the Ops room. She nearly died then too, didn't she?"

"That wasn't my fault! I couldn't control them!"

"And what makes you think you could control Sarah?" Jess spoke softly now, all traces of accusation gone from her voice. They were close enough that she could see the rapid pulsing in his jugular. "She was just like them. They all made their decisions. You couldn't do anything to change their minds. They choose their actions. They knew the risks. You couldn't have done anything."

"I know that but I should have."

"Why? Because you're a hero? You're not Superman Becker. And even Superman made mistakes."

"You read comics?" Becker couldn't help but ask.

She gave him a pointed look. "Connor's staying in my flat. He's left them lying everywhere. But that's beside the point. Everyone makes mistakes. I did. I let the dragonex out."

"That was you? Mat said…"

"He covered for me. Again, beside the point. This is not your fault. You've got to stop beating yourself up about it. It's not your fault." She looked up at him, blue eyes meeting brown. "You've got to realise that or the guilt will destroy you."

"I see her face." He spoke so softly she had trouble deciphering his words. "I keep seeing her face. She was so scared."

"We're all scared. She wouldn't want you hurting yourself like this."

Becker let out a sigh. "I know but it's hard. She was my responsibility. But she was so stubborn." He laughed humourlessly. "She would yell at me for feeling guilty."

"See, she was smart." Jess smiled a little. He was finally seeing the light. "Come on," She took his hand and tugged him back over to the log. "Tell me a story about Sarah." She sat down, pulling him with her.

"We should get back. Lester will wonder where we are." Becker looked in the direction of London but couldn't see anything for the trees.

"It's fine. He basically told me to go find you." Jess waved his concern off.

"He did?" Becker couldn't see their sarcastic boss giving that order.

Jess looked a little guilty. "Well not in so many words… He won't mind. He's locked himself in his office."

"Why aren't you annoying him then?" His tone was teasing.

"I value my life." She smiled. "So tell me about Sarah. It will make you feel better."

"I can't believe that it's a year to the day that she died."

A/N: So what did you think? I think Jess may have been a bit OoC but we haven't seen much of her so I haven't had much to go on. And I've never seen an emotional Becker so that may have been OoC. But I figured he was on a major guilt trip from the prequel videos. Comments are love. :D


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